Triggered Moment in My Relationship: A Glimpse into the Real Work of Healing

Today was one of those emotionally challenging days. You know the kind, the slow spiral where nothing dramatic actually happened, but internally, it felt like everything was unraveling.

This isn’t the version of life most people post about. Most only show the highlights, the wins, the shiny moments, the polished parts of their journey. But I’ve committed to showing up as my authentic self, and that means sharing the imperfect moments too. Because perfection? It’s not real. It’s not the goal. The real goal is growth, slow, intentional, and ongoing.

I know I won’t reach the end of my life having “healed perfectly,” but if I can keep reflecting, learning, and doing the work, I hope I’ll become 1% better every day.

Here’s the truth: I carry trauma around relationships, especially with men. And while I’ve done and continue to do the deep inner work, I’m still navigating it. No one knows the full story yet, but one day I’ll share it. For now, I want to share this piece.

My partner and I have been in a long-distance relationship for three years. It hasn’t been easy, 2 deployments and potentially another 90 day contract coming up. Today, when his usual routine shifted even slightly, I found myself emotionally triggered. My nervous system went into overdrive.

My mind began overanalysing, filling in the blanks with stories that weren’t based in reality. That’s what trauma can do, it hijacks logic and feeds fear. And with my ADHD brain, once I’m in that state, it’s incredibly hard to slow the momentum. So, when I didn’t hear back from him, it felt overwhelming.

Here’s the part most people won’t admit: I knew what was happening. I was aware of the trigger. I could feel the old wounds resurfacing, the fear of abandonment rising up. But even with that awareness, it didn’t stop the emotional response.

And that’s the essence of healing, it’s not perfect. It’s not neat. It doesn’t always look graceful. It looks like feeling triggered, and still choosing to breathe. Still choosing to reflect. Still choosing to show up with honesty, even when it’s hard.

I’m committed to this journey. I practice breathwork. I journal. I meditate. I sit in IR saunas and attend Yin yoga. But even with all of that, I still have hard days. Because healing is not a quick fix, it’s a long-term commitment. It’s like training to be a professional athlete. The results come with consistency, discipline, and an unshakable belief in the process.

So, to anyone reading this…especially those also doing the deep emotional work, let this be your reminder:

There’s no finish line in healing. No moment where you’re suddenly “done.” But every time you choose to pause instead of react, every time you lean into the discomfort instead of running from it, you're making progress.

You’re building resilience.
You’re rewriting old patterns.
You’re becoming more of who you truly are.

Keep going. Keep doing the work. Healing takes time, and it takes support, the right tools, the right people, the right environment. But most of all, it takes courage.

Be gentle with yourself. Be honest with your process. And know that by sharing your truth, you're giving someone else permission to feel less alone in theirs.

We don’t need to be perfect, we just need to be real.
And that, in itself, is enough.